From doubt to purpose through faith

     Last night at our contemporary service at Guilford College UMC, The Porch, Pastor Ben Carson asked us to give a testimony about a time in our lives when we were overshadowed with doubt, and how we relied on Jesus to bring us through the darkness of doubt into the light. Well, ironically enough, I doubted I could stand up and give my testimony, and so I didn't, but haven't been able to get it off my heart since...so here goes my testimony...
     We found out we were pregnant with twins - a game changer as we called it - we entered into this journey with lots of prayer - and the answer - every scenario was worth considering - if God intended for us to parents of twins - everything was worth considering about the who, what, where, and how of our journey thus far. Introduce doubt - I doubted I could even physically manage this - Jesus met me right where I was - I carried my precious babies for 37 weeks and 2 days - full term and healthy.
      There was doubt that covered us with how to manage financially three children under the age of 3 years old. Jesus met us there in our time of doubt - Nick was offered a role with his company that would allow us to manage financially with me staying at home - in Greensboro.
     Then doubt again - how would we ever manage to move to Greensboro to begin his new role with newborn twins and a 2 year old?  Jesus met us in our time of doubt - our house sold after 3 weeks on the market, with a full price offer to begin our transition.
     Would we find a place to live in Greensboro and successfully make this transition? Jesus met us right where we were - new construction in our price range with enough square footage to support this new family of five.
     But doubt came back again - Nicholas was born with Down Syndrome - I doubted that I was prepared for this part of the journey and was capable of being a mother to a child with special needs. How could this be our journey - so much doubt - yet so much purpose in the midst of every step of our journey. Yes - Jesus met us right where we were - this was no mistake - not a single bit of it - it was very purposeful that our faith had brought us this far, even though we had doubted. The Lord continues to assure me that He has very special plans, and very big plans for each one of us every day. There is no doubt I am meant to be the mommy of these three precious gifts from God.
     Through each circumstance, though I sometimes doubt, I rely fully on His purpose for my life through my faith in Him. I really wanted to blend into the crowd, for so long, go unnoticed, passed over, unrecognizable - but this is not God's plan for my life, or any other Christian for that matter. He purposefully places us where we are to be His light - and last night's sermon and testimonies helped me to realize that, although my desire was to serve Him quietly, this is not His desire for me - so I die to myself and follow Him - because I will almost always be noticed everywhere I go - and yet, it is this my friends, that is the greatest opportunity of my lifetime - to share the good news that Jesus is alive and that His grace is sufficient every time I am noticed. I always get asked - "How you do it" - and my answer is - I don't - God is good all the time and I rely on Him - I certainly am not equipped to do this on my own - but I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength to do it. His purpose for me is faith unyeilding, even though I doubt.