From doubt to purpose through faith

     Last night at our contemporary service at Guilford College UMC, The Porch, Pastor Ben Carson asked us to give a testimony about a time in our lives when we were overshadowed with doubt, and how we relied on Jesus to bring us through the darkness of doubt into the light. Well, ironically enough, I doubted I could stand up and give my testimony, and so I didn't, but haven't been able to get it off my heart since...so here goes my testimony...
     We found out we were pregnant with twins - a game changer as we called it - we entered into this journey with lots of prayer - and the answer - every scenario was worth considering - if God intended for us to parents of twins - everything was worth considering about the who, what, where, and how of our journey thus far. Introduce doubt - I doubted I could even physically manage this - Jesus met me right where I was - I carried my precious babies for 37 weeks and 2 days - full term and healthy.
      There was doubt that covered us with how to manage financially three children under the age of 3 years old. Jesus met us there in our time of doubt - Nick was offered a role with his company that would allow us to manage financially with me staying at home - in Greensboro.
     Then doubt again - how would we ever manage to move to Greensboro to begin his new role with newborn twins and a 2 year old?  Jesus met us in our time of doubt - our house sold after 3 weeks on the market, with a full price offer to begin our transition.
     Would we find a place to live in Greensboro and successfully make this transition? Jesus met us right where we were - new construction in our price range with enough square footage to support this new family of five.
     But doubt came back again - Nicholas was born with Down Syndrome - I doubted that I was prepared for this part of the journey and was capable of being a mother to a child with special needs. How could this be our journey - so much doubt - yet so much purpose in the midst of every step of our journey. Yes - Jesus met us right where we were - this was no mistake - not a single bit of it - it was very purposeful that our faith had brought us this far, even though we had doubted. The Lord continues to assure me that He has very special plans, and very big plans for each one of us every day. There is no doubt I am meant to be the mommy of these three precious gifts from God.
     Through each circumstance, though I sometimes doubt, I rely fully on His purpose for my life through my faith in Him. I really wanted to blend into the crowd, for so long, go unnoticed, passed over, unrecognizable - but this is not God's plan for my life, or any other Christian for that matter. He purposefully places us where we are to be His light - and last night's sermon and testimonies helped me to realize that, although my desire was to serve Him quietly, this is not His desire for me - so I die to myself and follow Him - because I will almost always be noticed everywhere I go - and yet, it is this my friends, that is the greatest opportunity of my lifetime - to share the good news that Jesus is alive and that His grace is sufficient every time I am noticed. I always get asked - "How you do it" - and my answer is - I don't - God is good all the time and I rely on Him - I certainly am not equipped to do this on my own - but I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength to do it. His purpose for me is faith unyeilding, even though I doubt.

Life with a swing set...

is pretty good! We debated for many months, and really wanted to knock it out of the ballpark with a wooden swing set, playground mulch, the works. But...we finally changed our thought process, and decided to bunt with a metal swing set that includes swings, see-saws, a slide, and a combo of plain ole' grass and weeds! And it has been one of the best decisions - we told Kyndra from the get go - she needed to learn how to swing on her own, and after 3 days of humming and howing on her part - she figured it out! We are so proud of her, and she is extremely proud of herself. The last few months have been major milestones for her - learned how to swing, learned how to ride her bike, learned how to ride a scooter, learned a few soccer moves at Lil' Kickers Soccer camp - all major stuff! And watching her on the swing set is so nostalgic, and I love that it takes me back to a place where the best part of life was on a swing every spare moment of the day - nothing else to worry about, just the wind in my  hair, and the bounce of the swing. Childhood has so much innocence, and it is nice to be reminded of that on a daily basis amidst all of the busy-ness and organized chaos. They are growing up too fast - we are trying to slow down and enjoy all of these little moments - and when we do it is a lot of fun!

Happy 2nd Birthday Super Tots!

It is hard to believe that 2 years ago Nicholas and Lauren were welcomed into this family - I really thought the first 2 years would be the toughest, and if I could just make it through the first two, the rest would be, well, much easier. I think I have it backwards! And I know God has many plans for us, some we are prepared for, others He is definately still molding and shaping us for. I think the first 2 years are, and were probably the easiest - not that these two precious little ones are not the most loveable, fun loving, creative, and special individuals we have ever known, but because this parenting thing doesn't end after the first 2 years. I think my next goal is to make it through the next 16 years, which I will need lots of help for - divine help that only He can give me.

For those that don't know - twins were a total surprise for us at my 8 week appointment, and a "game changer" for whatever plans we thought we had for our life. It took me almost the whole pregnancy to wrap my head around carrying two babies, and then birthing two babies. Unbelievable, still not sure how I did it, or how Nick managed to support me throughout. He did so much during those 9 months that I couldn't, he was, at times, the mom and the dad to Kyndra - he was awesome. But, that was just the beginning, because shortly after Nicholas and Lauren were born, after a healthy pregnancy, we were told Nicholas had Down Syndrome. So not only were we opening a new chapter of life with multiples, we were also opening a chapter of life with a child with special needs. But at the end of it all, a true blessing all the way around. It's hard to explain, but the best I can is that it IS God's plan for our life. And I will never forget when Kyndra , 2 and a half years old, walked into the hospital room to meet her new brother and sister for the first time, and the first words out of her mouth were - "Where my Super Babies?"

Our prayer has been, and will continue to be, that God puts the right people in our path at exactly the right time. And He has - each and every step of the way. A prayer that a friend of mine, who also has a child with DS, told me she prayed along her journey. I am so grateful for her advice, and wisdom in this particular area. I think I would drive myself crazy otherwise...so back to the 2nd birthday - Happy Birthday Nicholas! Happy Birthday Lauren! We love you and are so glad that we didn't know what God's plan was for our life 2 years ago, but are so happy to know that we are forever changed because you are with us!

Roaring like a lion!

(Chorus)
My God is not dead
He's surely alive
He's living on the inside
Roaring like a lion
This is the chorus from the Newsboys song "God's Not Dead"...Kyndra and I were listening to this song yesterday at the house on klove.com, and debated whether the verse is "Roaring like a lion", or "Rolling like a lion"...my guess was roaring, her guess was rolling...Mommy was right - it is roaring - so this song has become a favorite of ours, sort of like our anthem as we are driving to and from our daily routines and activities.
But the greatest part about this story - after we put the kids to bed tonight, we went back upstairs to hear Kyndra singing this chorus, 2 times, 3 times, 4 times, over and over again. God is so good - I am so moved and surrounded by God's loving grace when I hear their little voices singing, chanting, and loving God through praise, worship, and best of all - through song! I really hope she keeps these words in her heart always, and these really positive thoughts in her mind forever, no matter what circumstances she faces - may she always be reminded that she is brave through Christ who gives her strength - living on the inside roaring like a lion!
Moments like these make all the challenges of our day melt away in an instant - thank you Lord! You are so good!!!

***if I could figure out how to que "God's Not Dead" by the Newsboys as your background noise while you read this post I would, but I'm not quite that good at this blogging stuff yet :) Check it out on ITunes, or klove.com!

Family Pics from October 2011

He uses a spoon!

We are so excited, and beside ourselves! Nicholas is using a spoon! And rather appropriately! This is a huge step! We are so excited, but it is really messy! So far, chili has been the messiest. The applesauce we can handle, but chili just about took us to our breaking point! We need to insert "feeding shirt" so that the mess is totally OK!! He seems to eat more, if he can feed himself, so I am also loving this new independence he has, and so is he! He gets the biggest, goofiest, proudest grin on his face when he scoops the food, inserts it into his mouth, and then goes again. Of course he could be grinning because we are breaking out in applause just about every time he does it, but that is beside the point! What isn't beside the point is this - what a hot mess - literally and figuratively! Both him and his space when he is done! Look out world, here we come!!! What's next...

To drink soda, or not to drink soda...

that is the question...and after much stubborness and unwillingness to give it up for some crazy reason, I was forced into giving it up by a stomach bug the 1st of January...and I have to say, after the first few days, it wasn't so hard to resist it. And now I am glad that I did, because I have lost 10 pounds in 45 days, and kept it off. Everything fits better, and I actually feel better. Caffine is addictive though, and I know this, most people know this, but we still choose to drink it anyway. Not sure there are any real health benefits to it, we know it makes you hyperactive, it dehydrates you, it's full of sugar that just sticks to your body like a bad glue, and curbs your appetite to make you hungrier. But it does taste so good. Oh well, so long for now, for the second time in my life! I made the conscious decision 9 years ago to give it up while training for a half marathon, and saw really great results then too, but went back to it about a year after the race was over. But my will power is back! Soda, you won't get the best of me, not yet, and not right now!